I gave Stabby away. (OHNO, not another entry about that kitten!XP) So I gave the persian critter to my niece with all the emotional baggage that goes along with it.

Think: worriments.

Think: routine checkups. Is she hungry? Thirsty? Does the air stink? No cat piss or cat crap smells? Has she soiled the litterbox? Just where the hell is that bloody cat?? What is she doing? Does she miss me? (Uukk.)

Think: furniture. What have you ruined today, Stabby?

Think: ingenuity.

Think: creativity.

Think: a new cat toy. Apparently Stabby gets bored easily (mana saken!XD) and takes all the toys I've made for her for granted. Boohooleah.

Think: a good night's sleep. But Stabby's up and frolicking the entire night I haven't a choice but to sleep on the couch downstairs until the third day when it hit me: Ohshitohdratsohshit. WTF am I doing outside? Stabby should be the one outside my room, damn it, not me!

So I kicked her butt out. That, with her litterbox by the door and her food and water a few paces away from it.XP

Think: emotional baggage. Why the hell am I investing my shit in this piece of shit?

Think: WHYYY???

So I kicked Stabby out of my life. The poor, poor adorably cute and cuddly and sweet kitten.

It was only after a night of bingeing that my hypersensitive perception detected a wave of almost undetectable buzz of tiny microscopic things.

I was lying on my bed, staring at Stabby, studying the pale grayness of her eyes, the crusty black mucus at their corners, the short white whiskers, the short sharp nails, those cute little paws, those sharp little teeth when she yawns, that stiff tail, those motes of dust peppered on every strand of fur on her back.

And then something happened.

The motes of dust on her fur moved. I leaned for a closer look and figured all them dust motes were fucking moving. All of them, two or three microscopic specks of dust on every single fucking strand, all of them were ALIIIIIIIIIVE!

Hoooomeeeefuckinggaaaaaaad, Stabby is a fucking PLANET!

The fleas, I mean, those disgusting tiny blood-sucking scruffy parasitic beasts are living off Stabby!

That's the real deal, why I gave her away. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Stabby taught me lots, besides. For one, I cried the night I gave her away. The poor thing. (Homyshit, I cried, fuck you, I'm a wuss! Bugger off!XP)

I've never cried for any living breathing being before. (But I do cry for books and classical violin concertos and films!:p) But no, not for a real carbon-based bipedal or quadruped creature. No, I haven't any real heart for anybody.

And Stabby changed all that. SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFF and snot.

And no, I am never ever going to get another pet in my entire life. No. Ever.

Now I somewhat feel what my bestfriend somewhat told me about her baby being the source of her somewhat happiness, despite being homebound and a slave to a little stinkpot human being who eats away 80% of her waking life.

No, I will never be a mother.XP (Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of bloody fucking babies.)

Perhaps I am merely overwhelmed by this, this emotion of motherly crappery.XP

I just don't get it. I mean, what the fuck?

...

I miss Stabby.

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