Holy fuck city.

I slept with him.:o I slept with him and nothing happened. HAHAHA.XD I have no sex life I swear.XD The moment we entered his room he made me wear his shorts then I dropped asleep and woke up without prior knowledge of what happened yesternight. "I don't remember anything. What happened? Where's everybody?" I asked upon waking up with a foul breath that ruined his morning. I learned that my slutty (and preggy and soon aborting) friend left with some drunken stranger--WTF--and that my flaming buggerholed homosexy friends were, err, come again? Holy fucktard where they go? I don't remember.o_0 "Did we, uh, do anything physical?" Stupid question but I was befoggingly blanked. "We should drink again next time, you and I," was his felonious reply to which I interpreted, "I'll take that as a no."

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. I was infatuated this afternoon; precisely for twelve minutes about two hours ago. He had smitten my senses that all I could see was him, all I could hear was his voice, and all I could smell was his human scent. Nay, I longed to touch his fingers, run my nails on his neck, spread my palms on his chest, and feel his flesh faintly warming my breasts. Oh I missed him horribly but neither did I want to see him for when he is with me my mind flies away, and when he is gone he consumes my thoughts and projects a clearer picture of himself in my mind. I long and perhaps that is all that matters. Nothing happened. And I long all the more when nothing happens.

Belief or non-belief about God is the worst topic of conversation in drunken binges and my power of persuasion failed miserably when I met him the first time; his house stood beside a church so that's where the topic prolly came from. My atheist friend did fail to convert me too when I was a Gnostic Christian and I defended my gnosticism with a ceaseless passion. Ionno, I turned out the, err, whatmacallit, the loser after the futile debate when my smattering atheism mental database was still embryonic. So, the point why I mentioned this is, uh, forgotten.o_0

I don't like sex. It's a complicated activity that generates self-loathing and self-flagellation--guilt to put. It's not because of the act--hell, I can have sex for all I want--but the point that it's frivolous apparently amounting to any human activity when done out of whim, say, a one night stand. I believe copulation a sacred thing and recalling the event a beautiful phenomenon establishes this sanctity for the act in itself ceases to be sacred when brushed underneath all else in the memory.

Heh. Boring topic.

He was so far as just an inch away... All I want is the adrenaline and none of those commitments and body-rubbing activities; my thoughts are more potent than my actions. I'd rather think of being with him than be with him.o_0

...

I'm skinning a flash layout!XD On to the geeky things: I'm reading Jeremy Campbell's The Liar's Tale: A History of Falsehood. Woooooot! Brilliant. Finally, something that tells me stuff I don't know.:D And. Photoshop CS3 is out!!!XDD

Horse. My neuroses are fading away. And guess what! I'm bipolar! HIKHIKHIK.XD

Waaaaaaaaaaahhh. I wanna die!

...

"Textmates," that we are. And I never thought he would be better off in person.XP

I miss him!XP Holy smokes. Am I in love?o_0 Bloody fuck, can't be! I cannot possibly succumb to the male machiavelli!XP The point is to seduce and seduce and at the culminating point, shun him away!XP But nooooooooooooo, 'parently that is so not happening. Although I am very cunning at fooling him that I'm a snob, deep inside I'm a wreckage of unfulfilled hedonistic sexual fantasies. Waaaaaaaahhhh.

Word did you say?

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