I'm finally kicked out of UPM.XD I was finally kicked out when I was just beginning to enjoy myself in the presence of other human beings. Har. Well: I knew it! I knew it! For a moment there was a scintillating oscillating microscopic pulse in my head sending out signals of gloom and doom the very second I thought of quitting.

The power of thoughts, people. Is there a cosmic explanation behind this? (But of course not, not cosmic, mind. Everything can be explained through particle physics.:p)

Gaaaaaaaaaah. I'm itching from the vampire niknik bites I've acquired over the weekend.X0 The feeling you get from scratching them bites is like the falling action of a screaming orgasm but after that you just feel horrible. Iiiiikk. (And what is up with the post coital depression? Is it even real?)

I'm sleepy. I'm typing with my one eye sleeping.XP

And just where was I?

So them nikniks. They're giant carnivorous birds that rip off camping tents at night to peck sleeping people to death--no, they look like cockroaches the size of a comma, that's, yes, the same as the four punctuation marks in this sentence. They're like kuto (hahahaha.XD) and their bites look like bee stings.

They itch like a motherfucking bitch. Gaaaaaaaad. After you scratch them they swell and turn redder and some sticky transparent gooey shit just oozes out. I have like twenty of them bites.

But despite them buggers, the tree planting project we had this weekend was a blast.:p (Holymotherbooger, my remaining open eye's drooping and wants a nappy.)

Anyhorseshit, as I was saying, I was kicked out of UPM just because I was late for twenty bloody minutes. I get it's a rule and all, no tardiness or absence in any climb or lecture or environmental tree planting crapola. But it's just funny: I got late right before I knew why I wanted to join UPM then I was kicked out after I had that epiphany.

The thing is: I want to be a Savior. Be it saving people or saving nature. Be it saving the planet. I want to help search and rescue missing mountaineers. I want to learn the nuts and bolts of surviving in the wild with nothing but my brains to claw on to. I want to promote thinking green and living a garbage-free lifestyle. I want to plant trees.:p I want to runaway from this stupid city with all them stupid people innit and all them stupid talks about them stupid nonsensical bullshit. I want to do away with the trappings of mediocre workaday where everything is reduced to a press of a button, a click of the remote, a rip of an instant foiled pack meal. We are what we eat. Simply put, we are fast, cheap, and easy.XP How I find this urban jungle the most horrifying place to live in, to reproduce, and to multiply more of the caffeine-injected zombies of our species, I find this a pointless trajectory of human civilization. Why I wanted to join UPM is because it offers an alternative mindset and lifestyle to the worthless one I have in the city.

But then again, another pointless thing ignites into colorful fireworks in the sky: mountaineering has no point but the palpable cheap experience of reaching the top. That achievement is concrete, verifiable, solid. We train, exercise, lift heavy weights, run ten kilometers, learn knot tying, fire building, first aid, bolo handling, river crossing, orienteering, et cetera, shrink our fats, thicken our muscles, produce shitloads of endorphins and testosterone and short outbursts of adrenaline rush in the process, all of which we have no need for in the city. The tragedy of our civilization today is that...... we need tragedy.XP We need drama, action, suspense, cheap thrills to make us feel alive because we're all DEAD. (Or maybe that's just me. Harhar.XD) And we're dead because everything else is already made up for us right before we were even born. And by "everything else" I mean our civilization, our culture, our belief systems, our government, our society. We were born inside these complex systems and we're supposed to chew and swallow every complex thing everybody else created before us without even knowing why.

The idea I just keep coming back to is that life is pointless, meaningless, absurd, was and always will be. For after every achievement there is that blaring "So fucking what now??" question which'll always snap back to the main idea that life is pointless, meaningless, absurd, long, and brutal. (Wut?XD)

This constant search of meaning, the big fucking picture, simply gets all the more pointless as I zoom my lenses out and out and see this black-void-filled universe with but a smattering of suspended dust particles we call galaxies. Where we're all heading, who gives a shit. But only one thing is certain: we're all heading towards death, which is just as pointless, meaningless, and absurd as that of achieving anything we can think of. And once we die, all these complex bullshit systems are reduced to nothing but pure and complete bullshit, the epitome of bullshit, the highest form of bullshitry in the land of fairy bullshit kingdom. Let thy kingdom of bullshit come, Amen.

What's with all this drama?:o

Or maybe I'm just depressed again because of alcohol withdrawal. I need a drink.

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