Domino has been visiting me every day for a week.
Domino is sweet.
Domino doesn't talk much.
Domino is sensitive to sound and texture.
Domino loves to be touched, caressed, snuggled.
Domino slept in my room last night.
We cuddled underneath my sheets, wrestled with each other, hugged.
Domino is a cat.
Domino is a she.
Domino is my ex-pet Stabby's sister.
Domino is spry and hyperactive.
Stabby is grim and sulky.
Another cat has invaded my life again.
This taking care of some puny tiger wannabe.
Tips me off balance.
I am Leon reluctantly adopting Mathilda Lando.
Domino, the persistent, devoted little bugger, she just wouldn't leave.
"Look," I tell Domino. "Go away. I'm too macho for you."
Domino just stares.
She purrs.
Licks me with her sandy tongue.
Rubs her fur against my skin.
I give her a spoonful of fishflesh.
Domino gobbles it all up and sprints back to rub me static electricity.

Five months ago Domino was the size of my palm.
Sister B let me choose between her and Stabby.
I chose Stabby.

Stabby.

I wanted to take Domino but Stabby was a snob.
Stabby didn't give a shit.
Stabby thinks she's some high class arrogant pampered superkitten.
Stabby wouldn't make too much of a noise.
Stabby was independent.
Stabby would leave me alone.
So I chose Stabby.
Now Stabby is gone.
Stabby didn't leave anything.
I cleaned everything out like cum on my bed.
Chucked Stabby out my life.
Good bye. Adios. Arrivederci forever.
But somewhere around my room there still is a strand of Stabby's fur.
A flake of Stabby's skin.
A scratch on my hiking pack.
Somewhere.
Stabby left a mark.

Now Domino is back to reclaim what is rightfully hers.
Me.
"Love me love me love me!" she says. Telepathically.
I don't want to.
I am to her who Stabby is to me.
"Leave me alone."
But really, animals transform me into someone else.
Already, Domino has transformed Kaira into someone else.

Kaira.

Kaira shreds pancake into a tiny saucer.
I say, "Don't."
I say, "Domino doesn't eat pancakes."
I say, "Domino only eats meat."
Kaira replies, "But this isn't for Domino."
Kaira says, "It's for me!"
Kaira puts it beside Domino's catfood.
Kaira fills a tiny bowl with water.
I say, "Domino already has her own water."
Kaira says, "But it's for me!"
She sets it next to her pancake and lies belly down on the floor.
Beside her Domino is drinking water.
Kaira eats her shredded pancake like a cat.
She thinks she's a cat.
She licks water from the other bowl and meows.
She says, "I'm a cat!"
I say, "So?"
I say, "Whatever."
I look away.

I gave Stabby away. (OHNO, not another entry about that kitten!XP) So I gave the persian critter to my niece with all the emotional baggage that goes along with it.

Think: worriments.

Think: routine checkups. Is she hungry? Thirsty? Does the air stink? No cat piss or cat crap smells? Has she soiled the litterbox? Just where the hell is that bloody cat?? What is she doing? Does she miss me? (Uukk.)

Think: furniture. What have you ruined today, Stabby?

Think: ingenuity.

Think: creativity.

Think: a new cat toy. Apparently Stabby gets bored easily (mana saken!XD) and takes all the toys I've made for her for granted. Boohooleah.

Think: a good night's sleep. But Stabby's up and frolicking the entire night I haven't a choice but to sleep on the couch downstairs until the third day when it hit me: Ohshitohdratsohshit. WTF am I doing outside? Stabby should be the one outside my room, damn it, not me!

So I kicked her butt out. That, with her litterbox by the door and her food and water a few paces away from it.XP

Think: emotional baggage. Why the hell am I investing my shit in this piece of shit?

Think: WHYYY???

So I kicked Stabby out of my life. The poor, poor adorably cute and cuddly and sweet kitten.

It was only after a night of bingeing that my hypersensitive perception detected a wave of almost undetectable buzz of tiny microscopic things.

I was lying on my bed, staring at Stabby, studying the pale grayness of her eyes, the crusty black mucus at their corners, the short white whiskers, the short sharp nails, those cute little paws, those sharp little teeth when she yawns, that stiff tail, those motes of dust peppered on every strand of fur on her back.

And then something happened.

The motes of dust on her fur moved. I leaned for a closer look and figured all them dust motes were fucking moving. All of them, two or three microscopic specks of dust on every single fucking strand, all of them were ALIIIIIIIIIVE!

Hoooomeeeefuckinggaaaaaaad, Stabby is a fucking PLANET!

The fleas, I mean, those disgusting tiny blood-sucking scruffy parasitic beasts are living off Stabby!

That's the real deal, why I gave her away. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Stabby taught me lots, besides. For one, I cried the night I gave her away. The poor thing. (Homyshit, I cried, fuck you, I'm a wuss! Bugger off!XP)

I've never cried for any living breathing being before. (But I do cry for books and classical violin concertos and films!:p) But no, not for a real carbon-based bipedal or quadruped creature. No, I haven't any real heart for anybody.

And Stabby changed all that. SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFF and snot.

And no, I am never ever going to get another pet in my entire life. No. Ever.

Now I somewhat feel what my bestfriend somewhat told me about her baby being the source of her somewhat happiness, despite being homebound and a slave to a little stinkpot human being who eats away 80% of her waking life.

No, I will never be a mother.XP (Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of bloody fucking babies.)

Perhaps I am merely overwhelmed by this, this emotion of motherly crappery.XP

I just don't get it. I mean, what the fuck?

...

I miss Stabby.

I hate cats. I hate dumb animals and dumb babies and all the responsibility wrapped and ribboned nicely around them.

Well, fuck. I don't know what to do with my pet kitten Stabby. I wanted to stab her over and over, pierce a barbecue stick from her mouth to her asscrack, and make meself a nice and juicy kitten patty plus ketchup and mayonnaise and lettuce and a slice of tomato and cucumber (Pickles, damnit, peeeeeeeeeekals!) in a towering delicious kittenmeat sandwich. If Stabby's going to die, I rather want her dead with purpose.:p

But she's just soooooooo fucking adorable fuck I think I'm smothering her with too much love and affection. Har.

Once in Biology class, we were discussing about the invention and evolution of sex. The professor with the gray wiry hair snapped his finger at me and said, "You." We were talking about male animals being hunters and gatherers, while female animals as the fountainhead of love and warmth and affection and comfort and such motherly bullshit. "You," he said. He has a giant fucking mole the size of a planet at the very pointed tip of his chin. "I assume you have maternal instincts?" I shook my head. My idiot seatmates laughed. "What?" Giant Fucking Mole said, "You don't have maternal instincts?" My stupid professor couldn't quite understand the universal meaning of shaking my head left and right so I said: "No." Everybody laughed, all my one-hundred-something classmates, they giggled and snickered. Giant Fucking Mole repeated, "Are you sure you don't have any maternal instinct inside you, not one single tiny bit?" I shook my head at the words instinct and bit. "Well then," he said. "That's odd." I say he was quite embarrassed. Ninja kick to your giant planetary mole, professor! Muharhar.XD

I've always thought I'm a pompous chauvinistic egobloated career woman, a she-male, a man-wanna-be.

Being a girl sucks. All the girls I've known suck. (Except for Angeli and Ruth Buttcrack, who are as pompous and chauvinistic and egocentered as meself.:p)

But now, I've proven myself WRONG.

Maybe I've always wanted to be a pussy mommah? Har, bastos! That doesn't sound right.XD Mommy cat, that.

I was supposed to name my kitten Nipples, but thought I already used that name for Kim's dog in my short story Gaysha. Then I thought of naming her after Nibbler, Leela's pet alien triclops (the third eye at the top of his head :p) in the cartoon series Futurama, but chucked it out, that being unoriginal and plagiaristic. Besides, might even karate-wrestle with its copyright infringement thingamaboogershitty laws.

Stabby, my love and baby and cuddly shedizzle wizzle.XD Hoooooofuck, why does she have to be so fucking ADOOOOOOHRABLE??

I. Just. Can't. Kill. Her.

The past week I've spent an average of twenty-four hours a day with Stabby. She loves to play with marbles, strings, and crumpled paper. Her favorite toy is the bloody Q-tip. (Bloody because it's the Q-tip I used to swab the dried natal blood out her ears.) For the next couple of months I'm going to train her how to crap and piss in the john.:p

Every time I whip out my five-foot shined and polished bazooka and aim it at her, I just couldn't do it. She's just too cute. Her cuteness is the reason for her existence. Without her cuteness she would not exist.

I'm making a new list of gifts you people can give me!XD

1. one-liter water bottle that can be chained to a karab (the hook thingamajiggy for mountain climbing)
2. cat toys!:p
3. thick black socks (Socks, how pragmatic. Harhar.XD)
4. ground sheet
5. The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy DVD (torrent downloads take forever plus one year :p (Sidenote: What is infinity + 1? Is it still infinity? If it's infinity, would infinity + 1 be any different from infinity?))
6. one rim of Marlboro Menthols
7. a bookshelf I can assemble myself (Hawhawhaw.XD)
8. a Nokia 5070 battery (My Supernova phone was stolen (Sucks to the one who gave to me who happens to have taken it from Globe for free. Sucks to Globe, to put, you capitalist motherfucker! Teehihi.XD) so I have to use my old rotten brick phone.)
9. green tea :p
10. titanium spork

That's it.

I'm celebrating my birthday in Zambales!:p Free food! Free booze! Come one, come all! May bundok at may falls at may dagat! You can nosedive from the falls, roll down the mountain, and drown in the sea. Excited na ako. Hihi.XD Let's celebrate my existence by poisoning ourselves with teh-KILL-lah.:D Siyempre birthday ko, hindi pwedeng Ginebra Gin lang.:p

Faaaack, I'm stinking OLD. Grarrrrr.

:: rewind »