01. My favorite color is GREEN. I am fascinated with green molding objects, green space aliens, and green-minded people.

02. I’m a tree hugger. Looking around suspiciously and whistling to myself, I’d step closer to a humongous old tree and when no one’s looking, quickly wrap my long stick-arms around it nice and tight, then scramble away.

03. Best place to sleep is on the shore, at night, my arms and legs spread out like a starfish.

04. I’m a light smoker. A packet a day.

05. I tipple Red Horse beer to get to sleep.

06. I guzzle black coffee to stay awake.

07. Books of my choice roughly fall under the categories postmodernism, science fiction, and erotica.

08. I’m an atheist. God is just a figment of my imagination whom I was conditioned to believe in since the day I was born. I am that kid who said, “But that Emperor is stark naked!” Such is the skeptic’s philosophy: the absence of evidence is the evidence of absence.

09. Life is sexually transmitted. After nine months, I was that disease that sprouted from my mother’s hairy vagina on June of 1986. I just turned twenty-two this year.

10. I love rainy days. I love anything that has to do with water—faucet, shower, toilet, bath tub, rivers, beaches, ocean, lightning, thunder, nimbus clouds, drizzle, waterfalls, melted ice, tears, snot, storms, hurricanes, tidal waves, flash floods.

11. I hate kids. But I adore perpetually curious little rascals. “Tita, paano nakakalakad yung spider sa wall?” “Kasi may maliliit na sticker yung paa nila. Yung iba may glue sa paa. Yung iba may suot anti-gravity belt.” “Tita, ano yung anti-gravity belt?”

12. I fidget my legs a lot. When seated, I crack my legs open and shut like a malevolent snipping pair of scissors. But most of the time I just cross my legs and rock whichever foot on top back and forth.

13. I love long walks. Long walks while screaming mad hysterical laughter with another lunatic.

14. I compulsively recenter chess pieces when playing the game.

15. I fart incessantly. dead It’s my primary stratagem in distracting and defeating my opponent in playing chess.

16. My favorite characters are zombies, vampires, ninjas, and pirates. Ar.

17. You’d know I’m comfortable with you around when I spontaneously break into a stupid song or a stupid dance. Or just fart in your presence. Drum-beat loud, wet and airy fart, that.

18. I get bored easily.

19. Boyish. Impulsive. Frank. Spontaneous. Carefree. Assertive. Unpredictable. Moody.

20. I constantly think of sex. And oral sex.